Is it possible that i ended up back to my 1st love in the future? I don't know, and i don't want to think about it, coz i'm scared, i'm scared of facing disappointment when i'm giving too much hope...
Recently people around me asking do i have new bf or not, 1 is 2nd ex's friend (who had gf dy) asked, another 1 is my 1st love. He's chatting with me on msn right now. He's leaving later, 9am flight, back to Pahang study. This time we didn't have the chance to meet up. He said sorry to me, but i felt strange somehow. I'm not used to hear sorry from him. Maybe because....last time he seldom say sorry to me when we didn't meet up? I also not sure.
Listening to slow love songs now...rather emo songs. But my heart start crying again...i don't like myself being like this. I hate being emo. I want to be happy. I want to be tough. Everyday I'm trying hard to live happily and take care of my friends who aren't in good situation or emo-ing. Inside club, i'm like a elder sister, taking all the kids, be there when they facing problems in their life, be counselor for them, be a supporter for them. As for my EE friends, i don't know how am i supposed to face them. What i feel from them is just that, they doesn't need me at all. I mean, i am nothing for them. Even asking those who are free to come out also hard to get them out. But then...if i do go out with them, me and them got nothing much to talk and share about too. Me and them are like strangers, trying to get some talks, but still, we're living in a different world. We ended up i'm enjoying in my own world and they enjoying in their own world. I have lost faith, passion, trust and trust in them. Feel like they're no longer in my life, and when they trying to come back into my life into my world, it's hard for me to accept it, because i just can't...
I'm always the supporter, the listener, the counselor, the advicer to others, i always seems to be a tough and strong person to others, but deep inside me, i'm just as weak as the rest. I'm only human. I need shelter, need support, need to be listen, need advices in all my actions. I ever told 'A' that i'm no more interested in finding a bf or looking for cute handsome guys. I told her i'm not expecting any guys popping out in my life. Well, deep deep deep inside, i only hope for a guy who is strong enough, warm enough, nice enough and sweet enough to take care of me. I just need a warm and tough shoulder to lay on when i'm tired. I need a companion who always accompany no matter where i am, give support to me, give advice to me when i needed it, and never will let me drop a tear. I'm only waiting for this person to appear in my life, and that's all what i wish for...
Recently people around me asking do i have new bf or not, 1 is 2nd ex's friend (who had gf dy) asked, another 1 is my 1st love. He's chatting with me on msn right now. He's leaving later, 9am flight, back to Pahang study. This time we didn't have the chance to meet up. He said sorry to me, but i felt strange somehow. I'm not used to hear sorry from him. Maybe because....last time he seldom say sorry to me when we didn't meet up? I also not sure.
Listening to slow love songs now...rather emo songs. But my heart start crying again...i don't like myself being like this. I hate being emo. I want to be happy. I want to be tough. Everyday I'm trying hard to live happily and take care of my friends who aren't in good situation or emo-ing. Inside club, i'm like a elder sister, taking all the kids, be there when they facing problems in their life, be counselor for them, be a supporter for them. As for my EE friends, i don't know how am i supposed to face them. What i feel from them is just that, they doesn't need me at all. I mean, i am nothing for them. Even asking those who are free to come out also hard to get them out. But then...if i do go out with them, me and them got nothing much to talk and share about too. Me and them are like strangers, trying to get some talks, but still, we're living in a different world. We ended up i'm enjoying in my own world and they enjoying in their own world. I have lost faith, passion, trust and trust in them. Feel like they're no longer in my life, and when they trying to come back into my life into my world, it's hard for me to accept it, because i just can't...
I'm always the supporter, the listener, the counselor, the advicer to others, i always seems to be a tough and strong person to others, but deep inside me, i'm just as weak as the rest. I'm only human. I need shelter, need support, need to be listen, need advices in all my actions. I ever told 'A' that i'm no more interested in finding a bf or looking for cute handsome guys. I told her i'm not expecting any guys popping out in my life. Well, deep deep deep inside, i only hope for a guy who is strong enough, warm enough, nice enough and sweet enough to take care of me. I just need a warm and tough shoulder to lay on when i'm tired. I need a companion who always accompany no matter where i am, give support to me, give advice to me when i needed it, and never will let me drop a tear. I'm only waiting for this person to appear in my life, and that's all what i wish for...
